Mirroring

Have you ever felt like you don’t know what to say to new people you meet, or are are trying to make a sale? How about a negotiation with your spouse, parent or child?

This technique will work for all of the above!

The term is mirroring, think of it as looking in the mirror. It’s is the art of making the other person feel heard, to tease out the “information” you want from them, to get your way. Letting the other side have your way.

“Interesting people are interested”. Chris Voss a leading authority on the art, science and practice of negotiation.

It’s saying the last one to three words of the thing that they just said back to them.  By repeating it as a question, in a non confrontation, tone. You start a dialogue that they feel heard and can then start to feel comfortable with you, like you are on they side.

If you add in mirroring your body language the same as theirs this will put them more at ease, if you are with them in person. Say you are standing party and you meet someone for the first time. They have one hand in their pocket, you nonchalantly put the same hand in your pocket, or if you are in a sales situation and you want them to say yes, start to nod your head every so slightly, they will unconsciously start to do the same. Just one step to your yes!

Genuinely curious about the other person. Finish with a tone of voice that is non-judgmental, be curious. Tone means everything!

Your price is too high! Say “my price is to high?” (pause)

Limited budget!! “limited budget? Pause)

Other things we are trying to accomplish. Say " Other things you're trying to accomplish?" 

Stop talking, wait until they speak, let them let talk, then respond again with the last few words again with they said in an inquisitive tone.

Changes the wrestling into a dance.

Mirroring can also be used to gather more information about what they are thinking. This expands what you know about them and their postion. 

    ^{photo credits: wayland van poortvlet, art by linda lawson}