Did I pivot out of fear??

I have been working so very hard on getting my art “business” together, for about a year. Working on my illustrator skills, in addition to my illustrations, and most importantly working with a mentor/coach.

And then…

What the heck happened!!!????

I really had my confidence up, running pretty well. I had been consigned to do 3 art pieces for a family member’s bestie. I was so excited! However… it took me many, many months to get them done. She sent me exactly what she wanted, and I sent he a sketch, she approved. I did NOT get a contract! I MENTIONED the cost. She said she heard $300, and I said $1000 for the big one…

My point is, when it came time to deliver, she didn’t want all three. My friends, family, and mentor said loved them and thought they were worthy. Know my mentor was brutally honest! He said,  I was charging waaay toooo little. She didn’t want them! Even worse, what hurt a lot too, was that my brother and daughter didn’t take up for me say anything to me about delivering the art, the woman never said she got it, never said she liked the $300 with an amazing $700 discount piece of art. For her cookie cutter decorated home.

So, I LET all of that, blow out my light! Boy did it ever. I questioned my ability, my worthiness, my, worth, my place in the family, the world.

Why is that???

I went down and went down hard. So hard, I questioned my whole career direction! Because of one stupid mistake of mine, and one stupid woman and un-caring family?

So… a few red flags for me, that I could have done different here…

#1 I took too long to get the artwork done.

      Why? Going thru my dad getting sick/hospital/rehab/nursing home/hospital/nursing home, my uncle passing away and realizing what he did to me when I was 10…

#2 I did not get a contract and was not clear on what I would charge.

       Why? I didn’t know what to charge/I wasn’t sure of myself to charge what it was worth.

#3 I was not clear for myself, and I didn’t set the expectation for her of what I AM WORTH and what I am talented enough to charge.

#4 My brother and daughter did not back me up, build me up, have my back, take care of me… like I KNOW I would do for them. That realty broke me, as well.

Man, I miss my MOM!!!

 After that, I decided to take a course on building websites. Something that IS A VERY IMPORTANT need. Something I have been doing and can do and believe would be profitable.

So much so, I invested all my time, $1,000 of money for the course, to learn how and join a coaching group. I learned so much!

Now…. I have completed the course. It’s time to go get customers….

I find myself stalling!! Questioning my abilities, Questioning my strengths. Why is this????

Now, I’m upset with myself, because I didn’t follow my path, just when it got down to the selling of myself and got hard, to give up and try something “easy”.???? Just like when I got back with my last ex, went back to selling, and, got back with my second to the last ex, as well, if I’m being honest.

Fear…. It’s debilitating.

I know for sure, successful people also feel fear as well. Only stupid people are not scared.  Successful people, I’m assuming, feel the fear, and keep going forward!

I mean, what if I go ahead on the path, I know I’m supposed to be on???